Death Cafe Glastonbury- a third meeting
On the 18th September 2016 on a Sunday afternoon, we held our third cafe, in the top floor at Coffee Zero in Glastonbury high Street. the numbers were quite small this time only 6 people, so we sat together in one group. Three people had travelled from Bath…. themes for the afternoon …. one person spoke about his near death experience as a child, what was fascinating about the story was that he said he was no longer a child as he was witnessing his child body… we spoke about community connections and how we get help and support when one lives alone with no particular family support in our lives and went onto to speak about End of life Doulas and what they can offer.. and about the need for more open discussions around death and dying.. and advertising the death cafe here a bit more vigorously.. I had forgot to place an advert in the local free Oracle paper which has a lot of readers… it felt like another successful event and I’m looking forward to hosting the next one in two months time. The cafes that I run alternate from a Sunday afternoon to a mid week evening.
Celebrant, Celebrant, what is it you do?
Celebrant, Celebrant, what is it you do?
I’m a little old fashioned, and haven’t a clue.
Celebrant, Celebrant, what is it you do?
Are you religious, or is that taboo?
Who is your target, where is your goal?
I’m a little confused, as to what is your role.
Are you religious, or the atheist sort,
I’m a bit in the dark and need to be taught.
Well let me enlighten, I’ll try and explain,
I’m there as a person to try ease the pain.
It isn’t about me or any belief,
I try help the loved ones to help with their grief.
There’s more than two options, to help people through,
So I’ll try and explain, what us Celebrant’s do.
We take an approach, with a personal touch,
For loved ones in need of the help for a crutch.
Some aren’t religious, but still want a prayer,
Or even a hymn, and we’re happy to share.
It just shouldn’t matter in our belief,
We’ll use an approach, that helps bring relief.
So each service it varies, and that is our aim,
Each service is special, and no two the same.
So as you can see, it’s not black or white,
We offer a service that we just try make right.
Right for the person, who’s life has passed on,
And try help those hurting, as they loved one as gone.
We tick all the boxes, some people say,
We try make it special, in our own unique way.
Times are a changing, changing so fast,
We must try move forward, not stuck in the past.
So, we are here when you need us, give us a try,
Just take a look, there’ll be one close by.
Written by Gwyn Davies
Visiting a natural burial ground
On Sunday 15th May 2016 I went with a small a group of people to visit Higher Ground Meadow, a natural burial ground situated in Corscombe. The family ownx 130 acres of land, where they had farmed sheep; now approximately 12 acres are currently used as the burial ground.
This is a family-run business, and Jo Vassie kindly showed us around the grounds in a 2-hour tour, her son has come into the business and they now also offer a very respectful funeral directors’ service with their mortuary at a nearby site.
As you can gather from the name, the meadow is situated high up on the ridge and has stunning, far-reaching views over Dorset and Somerset.
Bier
We were first shown the barn: a beautiful indoor gathering place which has large windows looking out onto the fields and seating capacity for 100 people. It has a log burner as the main form of heating and holds the bier, a beautiful wooden cart upon which the coffin or ashes can be laid and transported to the chosen plot. However, people can choose not to make use of the barn and do the whole of the service outdoors.
The hay meadows are cut once a year around September and baled, they consist of natural, native wildflower meadows. There are also small woodland patches in which Jo insists that only native trees are planted and the grass around the trees is managed similarly to average grass cutting.
Higher Ground Meadow
The beautiful burial plots are left and become fairly flat, blending into the shape of the field. Most plots here are left unmarked, but otherwise a tablet of oak with a brass name plate can be laid or set in flush to the ground.
Jo informed us that the land is kept in trust so will not be sold off. Recently the Vassie family has asked for planning permission to create a neolithic- style burial mound and indeed will be receiving visitors from the Planning office the day after our visit. This seems quite an exciting project and I believe there is a successful tomb in Wilshire that was opened last year. Ashes are laid in small shelves inside the tomb-like chamber. I hope they are successful in gaining permission; the structure will likely become a small unobtrusive grassy mound in another section of their field.
I was impressed by the care and attention that has been put into this beautiful burial ground, the tour was informative and * would have considered a natural burial ground for myself, however, I co-own a private plot of land and have already planned my final resting place.
Death cafe Glastonbury
Death cafe was held upstairs in Coffee Zero on the high Street In Glastonbury on the 3rd April 2016. 23 people attended, and we sat in clusters of 4 groups and swapped around at about half time, I used a similar format to Death cafe Bristol where we started and ended with a minute silence, one feed back was that the silence could have been a bit longer. On each of the table there were suggested conversation questions which some people used and found helpful. The conversation seemed to flow and was quite animated and people appreciated this event was taking place. The next cafe will be in 2 months.
Death: Is it your right to choose?
I was deeply affected by a recent visit to an exhibition centred around a re-creation of a room at the Dignitas flat near Zurich, Switzerland. This powerful and emotive installation is part of an exploration on the theme of assisted dying ‘Death: is it your right to choose?’ from 23rd January until March 2016 at the Bristol Museum. I went to view this exhibition prior to attending the talk and panel debate on Assisted Dying that same evening.
This exhibition complements Death: the Human Experience exhibition which I previously attended and wrote about.
As it stands, the current law on assisted dying in the UK is that to assist someone to take their own life remains illegal.
So what is Dignitas? It is a not-for-profit organisation founded on the principle ‘To live with dignity – to die with dignity.’ They believe that everyone has the right to make their own decisions about how they want to die. One of the things they do is offer people the opportunity to end their own life. And people, if they are well and able enough, will travel from abroad to check in and receive the ‘medication’ to end their life on the premises. There were testimonies from individuals who had travelled from the UK and other countries to Zurich.
For me, the most moving part of this installation was hearing audios of the last hour and indeed, last few moments, of the individual, their relatives, and staff at Dignitas. There were written scripts available in the installation too. I recommend visiting the exhibition for an insight into the current debate and to ask yourself whether the UK should be considering the alternative in the light of Dignitas’s 30 years’ experience of meeting end of life needs.
The Assisted Dying Panel debate was later that evening at the museum. The debate or discussion was:
Should people have the right to decide how and when they die?
A panel of experts discussed the ethics and legalities of assisted dying and the speakers included:
- Richard Huxtable. Chair. (Professor of Medical Law and Ethics, University of Bristol)
- Lesley Close (accompanied brother John to Dignitas in 2003)
- Silvan Luley (Dignitas)
- Katherine Sleeman (Clinical Lecturer in Palliative care, Kings College, London)
- Havi Carel (Professor of Philosophy, University of Bristol)
- John Troyer (Director Centre for Death and Society, University of Bath)
The debate was heavily oversubscribed, indicating the passion and determination felt by many, on all sides of the debate, for a review of the law. Initially the number attending was set for 80, however the numbers allowed kept getting extended as people were queuing up to get in, the final figure was in the region of 320, and I just about managed to get back in myself.
The discussion started with the Chair giving a definition, and the issues:
‘Assisted dying is the intention of ending of a life of suffering on request with the help of an assistant’.
So the crux of the debate/ discussion was of assisted dying (AD) and does the United Kingdom keep Assisted dying as
A) Keep unlawful
B) Make lawful
C) Keep unlawful but apply law compassionately
Death: The Human Experience Exhibition
An exhibition held at Bristol Museums Galleries and Archives. This exhibition began 24th October 2015 and is running until 13th March 2016. See bristolmuseums.org.uk for further information.
I visited this exhibition in Bristol on the 10th November 2015 and it was worth a visit, I spent a good hour walking around the exhibition and was fascinated and intrigued by some of the items and stories associated with them. Some things one could touch and handle, other items were in small cupboards that you were invited to peek into. There is much to see and read; I liked the skeleton of the bat, it was an interesting shape. There’s lots to explore and one could easily return. This exhibition is for all ages and I’m pleased to see that children do attend. Of course the exhibition contains some items of a sensitive nature, including displays of human remains and discussions of suicide and assisted dying. A great exhibition to ponder and create conversations. Below is the outline of the exhibition that is sited on the Bristol museum website: Read More…
Feasting my Ancestors
For the past few years I have been ‘feasting the ancestors’ or ‘feasting the dead’ at around Samhain time on 31st October. Halloween or the ancient Samhain, is considered the time of year when the veil between our world and the spirit world is at its thinnest.
I love this ritual and I especially love it when it’s done in a circle, with dear friends. I have only done this indoors but it could be done as the Mexicans do and celebrated at crematoria or cemeteries where the loved ones are scattered or buried. The Mexicans call this The Day of the Dead, and it’s a more elaborate affair and involves whole communities. I don’t live close enough to my deceased loved ones to go to their burial site. That said it could still be done at a place like a crematorium, despite your own kin not being there. Although Samhain at this time of year can be rather chilly.
I see this ritual of feasting the ancestors as a time to fully embrace our past ancestors, to remember and honour those now gone. Remembering is acknowledging our loved ones, our folks who walked before us. Read More…
Today is National Poetry day
Today 8th October is National Poetry day, so I thought that I would share this one:
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
What is a Death Café?
What’s a Death Café?
I have had this response from a few friends, so I thought I would write a short description. A recent death Café that I attended was in Bristol on Sunday 27th September 2015. The Death Café was held at a busy Café, called the Cox and Baloney Tea Rooms in Cheltenham Road, Bristol.
Below are some descriptions from the Death Café website describing such events :
‘At a Death Café people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.’
The objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives”.
‘A Death Café is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.’ Read More…
