What is a Death Café?

What’s a Death Café?

I have had this response from a few friends, so I thought I would write a short description. A recent death Café that I attended was in Bristol on Sunday 27th September 2015. The Death Café was held at a busy Café, called the Cox and Baloney Tea Rooms in Cheltenham Road, Bristol.

Below are some descriptions from the Death Café website describing such events :

‘At a Death Café people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.’

The objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives”.

‘A Death Café is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.’

The above descriptions more or less describe my experience to date:

This café was held between 2-4 pm, with a prompt start. Emma Edwards hosted this event and does so every 2 months, alternating between a Sunday afternoon and a Thursday evening.

My sister was visiting me so I asked if she would like to accompany me.. The Café was busy with roughly 6 tables and approximately 6 to 7 people on each. After the initial introduction from Emma who has hosted a number of death Cafés, the opening discussions often starts with the question: what brought you here? which is fascinating in its own right, as everyone has a different story; and this itself leads off on tangents on any given subject around issues of death and dying.

There is a break half way through the session where there is an opportunity for more cake and drinks to be ordered and a chance to swap tables, therefore giving an opportunity to mix the group up.

Also on each table are jars with small pieces of paper which has random questions related to death and dying which can be used if the current discussion runs dry.

However, often many personal experiences or thoughts or considerations are mooted through someone sharing their view or through a question, that the time goes very quickly and I am often engrossed by the conversations.

Other examples of threads of conversations have been caring for others as they die, and the importance of practically preparing for our own death.

At the end of the session there is a round of some of the highlights or pertinent issues raised that people may want to share to the whole group, some examples were ‘each time I come to a Café, there is always something new to learn’. Another example, a table had several people from different backgrounds, countries and they shared with each other different rituals around burial and remembrance. Others found it a relief to be able talk on the subject of death and dying.

The session ended with a minute silence and announcements. This was my Sister’s first death Café experience. She found it fascinating and pleased she attended. She said she would find a death Café in her local town of Shrewsbury.

On my ‘Rosemary and Yew’ Facebook Page, I have posted a number of short articles related to Death Cafés, with views and stories from around the world, which you may find interesting.

I wholeheartedly recommend attending and participating in a death Café so do check the Death Café website to find one nearest to you.

What is a death cafe?