Category Archives: Well Being
Top Five Regrets of the Dying
In 2009 Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative carer wrote an online article in her blog called Inpirational and Chai, which gained so much attention and went viral she then put her observations into a book called ‘The top 5 Regrets of the dying’ this was about her time working with dying people. Bronnie “developed close relationships with her patients during their last weeks which resulted in raw, honest conversations about life and death, including what the patients wished they had done differently.”
Bronnie says that “People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret. “When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made”.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
This came from the many male patients that she had nursed. “They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men she nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence”. This may also be connected with income and falling into the trap of keeping a level of income.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. she says that many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result”. I feel the body does indeed respond to emotional, psychological beliefs, distress or suppression.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying”.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
So when thinking about these regrets, we can learn from others who have gone before…..and take the opportunity to change our lives now; how we relate to others, how we are in the world, how much time we spend at work, particularly work that we may not enjoy. Being able to express our fears, wants and desires and boundaries in a respectful way…having meaningful connections, staying in contact with those that matter. We can have an impact and influence on all the above 5 aspects of our lives and we do indeed have choices. We can choose a happier existence now and fully engage in life before we die. My shaamuc teacher taught me to have death as your close advisor.
Gong Workshop
This weekend, 3 & 4th June 2017, I attended a beginners level 1 and 2 Gong workshop, this was a practical workshop with Preet Kaur who is an accomplish player and kundalini yoga teacher. Her teacher is the renowned Gong master Don Concreaux, Kundalini Yoga Teacher.
There were only 2 participants on day and 4 of us for day two. My intention was to get a connection with my gong and to get the most potential with the gong.
Preet Kaur
Experiencing and benefits of Gong immersion
‘A Gong Immersion is like a very deep and lasting massage, by tuning the physical body and soul to the greatest possible resonance. Usually laying down on your back, receiving the sound energy of the gong as it is being played moving through the nervous system opening, clearing and recharging the whole mind, body and spirit. Triggering a meditation, contemplation state in which we have the opportunity to relinquish control of the mind. Negativity and chaos are suspended, irregularity and resistance are cleared, and the whole being is reset to a state of synchrony and alignment.’
We tuned in as a group each morning and afternoon and focus on our individual intention. which is always good grounding for any group practise or session.
The gongs available to play this weekend were 2 Paiste Gongs, which were the symphonic gongs 32 inch and a planet gong, Venus, 24 inch and I brought my inferior chau gong, 20 inch, which is bronze alloy made of 77% copper and 23% tin. Paiste gongs have more nickel silver to a formula of 63% copper, 25% zinc and 12% nickel, so the sounds are richer and vibrate more in my opinion.
Some of the Paiste gongs have the traditional Chinese Tai Loi symbols ‘Happiness has Arrived’ which I liked and these were on the 2 Symphonic gongs here, one can ask for these symbols to be placed on the gongs when you buy them. We used various sized mallets, the smaller the mallet, the higher the sound and the bigger, the lower the sound, of course mallets have an energy and Preet described this as the ‘Will of the Infinite’
Venus gong
Below are some quotes about the history and benefits of receiving gong playing:
The existence of the Gong dates back to the Bronze Age, around 3500 BC. ‘Evidence suggests that the Gongs existed at this time in Mesopotamia. Myth has it that sacred gongs included pieces of meteorites that fell from the heavens. Since the time of Buddha in 600BC, all sacred Chinese gongs have been inscribed with the two Mandarin Chinese characters “Tai Loi”, which means “Happiness has Arrived”, sweeping the darkness by bringing in the Light. The gong ancient use was as an initiation tool for enlightenment, etheric projection and exorcism of negative spirits. It has also been used by Tibetan monks, and the Chinese, for centuries as an aid to meditation.
Historic research provides us with four main centres – Burma, China, Annam, Java – at least 7 gong shapes and sound structures stem from these regions. Only few families knew the tradition of gong making as it was passed from generation to generation. The art of making gongs was veiled in a sense of magic. Gong makers believed that a gong could only succeed with the help of higher powers, and that they were exposed to forces more so than ordinary humans.
The gong was an important element in the lives of Far East people and is still in some countries today. In Asian families, the gong was an attribute of wealth and served as a status symbol. In rites, the gong was used in the evocation of ghosts and in the banning of demons. Touching a gong brought you fortune and strength. In rituals of the Far East, the gong has retained its special significance to this day.
playing the symphonic Gong
As a musical instrument, the gong accompanied celebrations, funeral ceremonies, songs, and theatre plays. In the music of the Asian high cultures, the gong was used as an orchestral instrument. Orchestras with gong plays containing up to 18 notes were not seldom. They were also played in private concerts at residences.’
‘The Gong is like a stargate from which brings in a vortex of energy which facilitates our connection with the infinite higher self. Creating a synergy effect bringing the listener to know the oneness of all effortlessly, while recharging the body and strengthening the nervous system all at once.’
During the weekend we covered a few stokes as a structure but of course when one plays one goes into intuitive playing and let go of the structures.
To begin with we would connect with the gong by priming the gong or waking the gong, tuning into the gong and tuning in with some reverent way for ourselves and those in the room..The playing stokes covered over the weekend were the individual gong strokes-stoke up, stoke down, flam, Tie, Vach Choir, Tsunami, Swinging door, flumi playing, roll stroke, Gong with the wind, penultimate stroke and ultimate stoke, these were easy to grasp and gave me basis tools to connect and experiment with the gong.
The Gong has the most powerful ability to affect the nervous system, it is powerful, subtle, sound affect vibration and clears thought, it can get passed the ‘monkey mind’ and get one into the neutral mind where healing can takes place.. the still point where space and therefore wisdom can be received. Gongs can be relaxing, stimulating and sometimes over powering, but usually one is left feeling refreshed, rejuvenated. People maybe become tearful which is normal where at a cellular level, memories can be cleared through the gong e.g grief
People may laugh, people may become energetic, blissful, relaxed and joy, so an array of emotions from anger to sadness is all normal and sound access these for what is required at that given moment or what is evoked.
I thoroughly enjoyed my two days, it was informative, I felt connected and got a deeper understanding of the power and healing properties of the gong and a relationship that I want to deepen. I realise that I will in due course want to upgrade my gong to one that has a fuller sound and potential of depth of a healing vibration. I felt very inspired indeed. Below is a quote that summed up the weekend:
“The Gong is the first and last instrument
for the human mind, there is only one thing
that can supersede and command the human mind,
the sound of the Gong. It is the first sound in the
universe, the sound that created this universe.
It’s the basic creative sound. To the mind, the sound
of the gong is like a mother and father that
gave it birth. The mind has no power to resist
a gong that is well played.”
Yogi Bhajan, Master of Kundalini Yoga
Finally I will close with this, ‘Sound plus intention equals Healing’ this was said a few times over the weekend which I already was aware of and one that I focus on whenever I do sound baths and healing sessions, a good mantra to have and practise.